Shear Madness
by KSlycke08
Summary: Sequel to Bathroom Humor. Sabretooth gets a haircut.


Again, I would like to offer a special thanks to ColdFusion180 for the ideas. I would also like to thank the people that read this story. It is always an honor and priviledge. This story is rated M because of language and mature themes so please use discretion.

As always, my story, their characters, 'Nuff said.

Shear Madness

Sabretooth was in a bad mood and he didn't care who knew it.

Just waking up had been a struggle and now he needed coffee. Mornings had always come too soon for him but today was especially difficult. Groaning, he pulled the covers off and half walked, half stumbled down the stairs where he could smell Pyro and Gambit in the kitchen. For once his hyperactive smell came in handy as he made his way to the kitchen without opening his eyes, just following the smell of morning and breakfast.

"Good morning, Sunshine!" Pyro quipped, noticing Creed's red eyes, drool stained chin and tousled mane.

"Shut the fuck up. Where's the damn coffee?" Sabretooth growled, cracking open one of his blood shot eyes.

"What's the matter, Vicky? Not in a good mood this morning?" Pyro grinned.

"Nah, he's always like dat in de mornin'." Gambit replied. "De noon and de night, too."

"Well, it sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Pyro grumbled.

"Mebbe he jes not wake up inna bed he'd'a hoped for, eh?" Gambit winked jumping out of the way of Creed's claws. One thing they had found out fast and early was never to mess with Sabretooth after one of his "dates". Especially the unsuccessful ones. "T'ought ya came back a bi'd early last night, s'all." He choked.

"Ain't none of yer business, Cajun." Sabretooth grumbled grabbing an oversized mug and pouring half the pot into it.

"Dude, TMI….waayy TMI." Pyro said putting his fingers in his ears.

"What is 'TMI'?" Piotr asked walking into the kitchen.

"'Too much information'." Pyro answered. For a kid that grew up during the cold war in the never world of the Russian wasteland, Piotr sure had a lot to learn, Pyro thought. "Our Creole friend here has suddenly taken an interest in the mating habits of the Sabretooth." He said pointing his thumb at Creed.

"Da." Piotr blanched giving up on the frozen waffle he was reaching for. "That is, as you say, 'TMI'."

"Why'nt ya worry 'bout yer own little girlfriend and keep yer nose outta places it don't belong." Sabretooth growled, his eyes on Gambit.

He knew damn well he was talking about Rogue and so did Creed. Suddenly quiet, Gambit said nothing.

"What I thought." Sabretooth sneered finishing his coffee. "I just remembered I got things to do." He said throwing his cup in the sink.

"I bet." Gambit mumbled swiftly focusing his attention on his soggy cereal.

"Where's he going in such a hurry?" Pyro munched.

"Someday, homme, you unnerstand, but today…..you don' wanna know." Gambit sighed.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Victor Creed was still in a bad mood. Thankfully people seemed to sense that and stepped out of his way or crossed the street when they saw him. Morning of all mornings he was already pissed off and he didn't need Gambit's shit, either.

That damn woman, he thought. She'd really owe him this time.

Deliberately he found the place he was looking for, his feet glued to the pavement. Like a long overdue debt or a promise said years ago he stood there for a moment, just taking it in. It was now or never and he knew it.

With the purpose of a gladiator preparing for battle, Sabretooth stood in front of the overly bright red and white neon sign, inhaling deeply.

Okay, he could do this. After all, he had battled the Eliminator Depilitator 9000. He could do this, too.

And after that fiasco, this should be cake.

Should be.

Resolved, he threw the doors open.

"Be with you in a moment." The overly cheerful owner called out. Dressed in a purple smock with blue on black pointy tips on his head, he just seemed too overly happy to be cutting hair. Besides that he smelled like that other overly cheerful superhero Northstar. Eh, to each their own, Sabretooth thought.

Instead he just grunted, taking in the sharp instruments and various goods on the display counter. The whole place smelled of "product", wax, shaving cream and other people's discarded hairs.

"Can I help you?" Mr. Cheerful asked looking at Sabretooth's long blonde hair, its split ends and uneven sideburns.

"I, uh, need a haircut." He said.

"So I see." Mr. Cheerful said eyeing him again. This time he didn't even try to hide his critical eye as he circled around him making mental notes in his head. Creed knew damn well what he was doing, too, unconsciously standing still so he could get a better look. Hell, he'd done the same thing when hunting prey in the backwoods of Canada and he knew that look. "Well, I suppose I can help you out there." Mr. Cheerful finally said.

"How long has it been?" He asked as he ran his fingers through his mangled locks. He had to stand on his toes to reach him but he didn't even seem alarmed when his fingers got caught or anything so Sabretooth reckoned he was at the right place.

"A while." Sabretooth said. If he said he didn't remember then that would mean it had to have been at least forty or fifty years but he let that go.

"Well, let's get you in a chair then!" Mr. Cheerful finally said.

Reluctantly Sabretooth followed. As happy and gay as Mr. Cheerful was it could have been a funeral for him and he was not happy. Not at all.

"And how short are we going today?" Mr. Cheerful asked spraying him with the flat distilled water bottle and trying to untangle the knots. A few pieces of the comb's teeth broke off while he was still combing out the tangles and he took out another comb.

"Sorry about that." He said as he smiled, making short designs out of Victor's hair in the mirror. The guy was definitely too happy for his own good. "Say, I think we should start with a conditioning rinse." He finally said.

"A what?" Sabretooth said.

"A conditioning rinse." Mr. Cheerful said. "It will help with the tangles and get the knots out. Far easier to trim or cut that way."

'Fuck me', Sabretooth thought. This ain't the way they used to do it up in the high country chopping down trees back in the day. Back then you'd be lucky you didn't catch the pox from a cut and shave. He half chuckled to himself imagining any of the guys he ever lumber jacked with talking about "conditioning rinses".

"Whatever." He snorted, leaning back in the chair.

It was heaven, pure and blissful heaven as Mr. Cheerful kneaded, scratched, rubbed, and massaged the tangles into a somewhat submission, occasionally standing on one foot with his knee braced against the sink and pouring whatever strength he could find into Sabretooth's hair. He didn't care, this was great.

He didn't even notice as sweat began to pour off of Mr. Cheerful's face .

Oh, man, why he hadn't had this done before…

...............................................................................................................................................................................

"I think..(huff)……we're……..finished…(huff)." Mr. Cheerful said, now not looking at all cheerful and hanging onto the barber's table while he caught his breath.

'Already,?' Victor thought. He was just getting to enjoy it, too.

Unable to form words, he just waved Sabretooth over to the barber's chair. "Okay, now, how short do you want it, again?" He asked breathlessly.

"Uh, not real short, but short. Don't scalp me, man."

That sounded familiar. He musta heard that somewhere before.

"Sure, I can do that." Mr. Cheerful said, gathering the back of Sabretooth's hair and pulling it into a pony tail. "I'm going to start here, is that okay?" He asked pointing to the back of Creed's skull.

"Go fer it."

"Okay…….one………two………three………."

...............................................................................................................................................................................

Two hours later………

"Do you want to keep it?" Mr. Cheerful asked. Already his clientele was backed up and people were beginning to complain. It had taken much longer than he had thought.

You'da thought the guy lived in the woods half his life the way his hair looked.

"Nah, donate it to one o' those wig charity things for sick cancer kids or sumthin'." He said, looking at Mr. Cheerful holding up his eight inches of blonde ponytail.

"Hope she's worth it." Mr. Cheerful said totaling up the bill.

"You'n me both, pal." Sabretooth said.

Yup, a close shave, a haircut, and a bit of after shave.

Raven's never gonna know what hit her, Creed thought, laying out a hundred dollar bill and walking out the door. Mr. Cheerful had earned his tip plus some.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Oh….My….God……" Raven breathed.

"Heh, you like that, huh?" Sabretooth said, laying back. He subconsciously ran a hand over his newly shorn hair and sighed. It still felt a little weird to him. In fact, if he had to think about it, his hair hadn't been this short since his army days. Reven seemed to like it, though, and he exhaled loudly, one hand in his hair and another one holding onto her shoulder.

Closing his eyes he pulled Raven closer. Now, maybe she would be happy.

Sighing, Raven moved in closer,.

"Not much to hold onto is there…." She yawned.

To be continued.


End file.
